How does Psychotherapy Help in Personal Growth?

Psychotherapy

One day, a patient went to see a doctor about his problem. The patient had a problem with sleeping because of stress at work and relationship issues. After examining the patient, the doctor suggested to the patient: "The problem is not very much physical. So, why don't you see a psychotherapist?" The patient was upset and immediately replied, "Doctor, I am not a psycho to go to a psychotherapist." The doctor laughed and said, "Psychotherapy is not for psychopaths alone. Anybody who wants to change any aspect of their behavior or emotions which are bothering them can consult a psychotherapist."

What is Psychotherapy?

The word 'psychotherapy' is a combination of two root words: 'psyche' i.e. mind and 'therapy' i.e. treatment.  Whereas the word 'psycho' is a short name for 'psychopath' which means a person who is psychologically diseased or deranged to such an extent that he is a threat to himself and to others. The word 'psychopath' itself is a combination of two root words, 'psyche' i.e. mind and 'pathos' i.e. suffering or disease.

Mental Illness 

By definition, psychotherapy is the treatment of mental or psychological illnesses without using any form of medication. Informally, it is called 'Talk Therapy'. In fact, the Oxford English Dictionary defines psychotherapy as 'treatment of mental illness by discussing somebody's problems with them rather than by giving them drugs.' 

  

In fact, the word 'therapy' means a method of treatment without using medicines. There are many therapies like yoga therapy, physiotherapy, aromatherapy and music therapy that treat physical as well as mental problems without medication and to a reasonable rate of success.  

Types of Psychotherapies

There are hundreds of therapies being practiced in the psychotherapy spectrum today. However, all of them can be categorized into three mainstream therapies as below:

1. Psychodynamic Therapy (PDT): Psycho-dynamic Therapy believes that childhood experiences and their memories stored in the unconscious part of the mind play a major role in the formation of personality and behavior. The negative memories haunt the person throughout his life. So, Psycho-dynamic Therapy attempts to bring about change in a person by bringing the unconscious memories to the conscious awareness of the person and thus cure the negative emotions in the person.
2. Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT): Cognitive Behavior Therapy believes that a person's thoughts and beliefs play a major role in the feelings and behavior of a person. So, it attempts to bring about change in a person by correcting the thoughts and beliefs of a person and thus change the behavior and feelings of the person.   
3. Humanistic Therapies:  Humanistic therapies believe in the inherent capacity of a person to change his life. These therapies help a person decide what is best for him and then take action to bring about the change. Humanistic Therapies are person-oriented and so the therapeutic relationship between the client and the therapist plays a major role in curing the patient.

Psychotherapy and Personal Development

Personal Development

Traditionally, psychotherapy was looked upon as a method for treating mental illness or disease. Its focus was on treating a disease rather than personal growth and wellness. It focused on treating common mental illnesses like Depression, Anxiety disorders,  Personality Disorders, Schizophrenia, etc...


Nowadays, psychotherapy has been increasingly looked upon as a tool for personal growth and wellness. The focus has been shifting from illness to wellness. Besides treating mental illness, today's psychotherapy focuses on enhancing emotional well-being and bringing about personal change and growth.

Transactional Analysis as an Integrated Psychotherapy Model

Transactional Analysis Psychotherapy is considered as an integrated psychotherapy model because it includes the principles of all the mainstream therapies mentioned above. 

• TA integrates the fundamental principles of Psycho-dynamic Therapy into it. For example, the central concept of Life Scripts in TA is essentially psycho-dynamic in nature. A 'Life Script' is defined as 'an unconscious life plan made in childhood under parental influence.' 
• TA also integrates the practices and principles of Cognitive Behavior Therapy into it. For example, the fundamental TA concepts of 'Transactions' and 'Games' teach us how to understand people and their behavior and thus interact with others effectively. In fact, Eric Berne says that one of the goals of TA is 'social control.' That is the reason he called TA as 'Social Psychiatry' in his book, 'Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy.'
• TA also integrates Humanistic Therapies into it. The very foundational beliefs of TA are based on Humanistic philosophy. TA believes that people are OK and that they have the capacity to think and decide their destiny.

A Case Example in TA Psychotherapy

• Ramu (the name has been changed for confidentiality), a software engineer working in an MNC software company approached me for psychotherapy saying that he was not able to communicate confidently before his superiors and colleagues and that he had this problem throughout his career. He also told me that often he felt lonely and felt that life was boring.
• In the course of therapy (in the next two to three sessions), we delved into the childhood experiences of Ramu and discovered that his parents told him he was not important in comparison to others. As an example, he told me that whenever his cousin's family visited their house, the children of the cousin's family were treated with respect, and they were given preference in everything. He was told that they were more important than himself and his sister because they were educated and rich. These kinds of experiences  made Ramu believe that he was 'less than others.' 
• In the later sessions with Ramu, based on his childhood experiences, I constructed his beliefs - about himself, others and life in general. One such belief about himself was that he was not important in comparison to others and so he should not cause inconvenience to others. As a result, he always put the needs of others before his needs and never asserted himself. He had other beliefs like people always use him for their selfishness and that life was boring and had no fun.

  

  Transactional Analysis Psychotherapy

• Then, I helped Ramu to counter those beliefs by confronting whether they were true: Was he not important and whether his needs were not important for him. After discovering his negative beliefs and writing counter statements to them, Ramu understood why he was behaving the way he did. As a result, his behavior changed quickly. He started asserting himself and asking for his needs and started believing that he was 'not less than anybody'. His communication with his superiors improved quickly and suddenly life seemed to be interesting.   

Approaching Psychotherapy Positively... 

Finally, we need to understand that psychotherapy is not just for treating mental illnesses alone, it is also a great tool for personal growth and emotional well-being. However, in India, there is still a stigma attached to people going for psychotherapy. There is a need to change our perspective that any mental health condition needs to be attended with as much seriousness as we attend any physical health condition because...

      ...MENTAL HEALTH IS IMPORTANT

For any kind of counseling and psychotherapy needs, you can contact the author. The author is a Psychotherapist, Personal Development Coach, and Behavioral and Communication Trainer.  

"Look at me, Or I'll Die"

Just imagine you are kept in a small room without any contact with people outside, with no cellphone, no books and newspapers...but you are supplied with food every day.  How many days can you survive and what kind of life will that be?

I leave it to your imagination...

But the point is we cannot live long without stimulation that comes from human contact and interaction. Or we might live, but we will slowly deteriorate in all aspects-physically, mentally and emotionally.

Dr. Rene Spitz's Study

In the 1940's, Dr. Rene Spitz, an Austrian Psychoanalyst made a comparative study in which he

studied the development of two groups of infants since the time they were born. One group of infants were in a hospital-like setting where the infants were fed well and were taken care of their hygiene by nurses, while the other group were in a prison nursery and were visited by their mothers daily and the mothers were allowed to spend time with their children . Strangely though, after two years, one third of the children from the hospital setting died and most others developed physical and metal illnesses. Interestingly, the children brought up in the prison settings were healthy and had no developmental issues. 

Dr. Rene Spitz explained the phenomenon saying that the infants in the hospital deteriorated in spite of being fed well and kept hygienic because they did not get the love and attention that a mother gives to a child which the infants in the prison nursery got.

This study shows that we, human beings,  need stimulation from people and environment for our physical and mental well-being. These acts which give us stimulation are called strokes in TA (Transactional Analysis).   

Strokes in Transactional Analysis

A stroke is any act of attention or recognition given to or taken by person. Strokes keep the brain active, and through the brain, every cell in the body gets energized and rejuvenated.
Here are a few examples of strokes:

• A mere look, a smile or a greeting
• A touch, pat on the back or a slap
• A hug or a kiss
• A kind word, or a  word of appreciation or a scolding
• A award won or a promotion lost  
• An intimate relationship
• A sexual act  etc... 

The human nature is such that if we don't get strokes or these acts of stimulation, we will go to any extent to get them, even to the extent of committing a crime or killing somebody. After all, everyone needs strokes for their survival.

Types of Strokes

The first way of classifying strokes is either they are physical or verbal:  

• Physical Strokes: Physical strokes are strokes given through touch or by using the five senses. For example, a pat, a shake hand, a touch or a smile or a look etc...
• Verbal Strokes: Verbal strokes are strokes given through words or using language. For example,  a compliment, words of appreciation or criticism, 

The second way of classifying strokes is either they are positive or negative: 

• Positive Strokes: A positive stroke is a stroke that makes you feel good or energizes you. For example, you just enter your office and your colleague gives you a positive compliment about your dress and appearance. That's a positive stroke. 
• Negative Strokes: A negative stroke is a stroke that makes you feel bad or de-energized. For example, you prepare a project working hard day and night, but your boss says it's a bad report. That's a negative stroke. 

The third way of classifying strokes is either they are conditional or unconditional:

• Conditional Strokes: Conditional strokes are strokes that you get for something which you did. It can be either positive or negative. For example, you pass a test with A grade, your father gives you a compliment, saying, "Well done, my boy!". The compliment is conditional i.e. it is given because you did well in the test. Now imagine you failed the test. What will you get?...A negative remark in most cases.  
• Unconditional Strokes: Unconditional strokes are strokes that you get for what you are irrespective of what you do. For example, somebody tells you, 'You're such a lovely person." This is an unconditional stroke because it not connected to anything you did. In the same way, if somebody tells you, "I hate you." It is an unconditional stroke too, but a negative one. 

How to Use Strokes for Better Relationships

When we get enough strokes, we will be healthy mentally and physically; when we do not get strokes, we crave for them. People who are deprived of strokes find it difficult to form healthy and meaningful relationships and as a result, they often go into depression or get into addictions.

Exchanging strokes is essential to the maintenance of any relationship. Strokes provide lubrication for  the vehicle called 'relationship'. The more you give positive and unconditional strokes, the stronger the relationship becomes.

• One of the most valued unconditional stroke is saying, "I love you." 
• Spending time with a person is the best positive stroke one can give.
• Taking care of another person is another way of giving strokes.

Finally, follow these simple acts on a daily basis for better relationships:

• Pay attention to people
• Appreciate them when they do something good
• Give feedback wherever necessary

and most importantly...

DON'T IGNORE PEOPLE!

To learn more about how 'strokes' can be used to improve relationships and to learn more about Transactional Analysis (TA), you can contact the author in person.  The author is a TA Therapist, Life Coach, Communication and Behavioral Trainer .        

How is our Life Script Formed?

In my previous post (3, April, 2020) I have discussed about Life Scripts. As per Transactional Analysis, a life script is a plan you made for your life, in all probability, by the age of six and obviously it was made without maturity and awareness.

How does a Child Form the Script?

The Script is formed based on the experiences that the child has with his parents or caretakers in his childhood. Based on the experiences and the way the child has been treated, the child makes certain decisions about his life.

Some of these decisions can be:

• I will end up being a loser
• I will be a loner (a lonely person) all my life
• I will live a life without love 
• I will work hard all my life (I will never enjoy life)
• I will go crazy (i.e. mad)
• I will be successful whatever the struggles 

The Parent's Role in Forming the Script

The parents provide the experiences for forming the script. The child comes to certain conclusions about itself based on the interactions with its parents.

For example, if the parent rejects the child repeatedly when the child attempts to approach the parent for a hug or consolation, the child will form a belief, "I am not worthy of love" or I am worth nothing." Based on these experiences and similar experiences in his life, the child builds a 'Loveless Life Script' or  a 'Loser's Life Script'.

The Role of  Parental Commands in the Formation of Script

In the course of bringing up the child, the parent (i.e. both parents) unknowingly gives certain commands or directives to the child. These commands have the power of a curse or boon on the child. These commands are powerful  for the child because the parent is like a Fairy God or Goddess or all-too powerful Witch. These commands can be compared to the curses given by our Gods and Goddesses or Sages who were inconvenienced or irritated. It is like a curse given by Goddess Bhoodevi (Goddess of Earth) to king Karna in  Mahabharat ( a Mythological Epic in India).



Some of the commands can be:

• Kill Yourself 
• Be a Fool or Dud
• Go Crazy (mad)
• Don't be Happy in Life
• Don't be Successful (You will never be Successful)
• Work Hard all your life
• Become a Drug Addict
• Don't Be Close to People (Never have Close Relationships)

In the course of time, the child collects evidence to reinforce his Script Beliefs in his interactions with others. Whenever someone does something like its parents did, it will strengthen its beliefs and reinforce it script.

Thus, based on the experiences and the commands given by the parent, the child builds a script and these beliefs and the decisions of the child get reinforced with later experiences as the child is inclined to collect evidence which supports his script beliefs and reject those experiences that do not match its script beliefs.  Ultimately, one lives one's a pre-determined life and meets one's pre-destined end or death as decided in the script.

Can we Break the Script and Rewrite it?

Yes. our Script can be broken and rewritten to live a life of autonomy. Transactional Analysis offers the tools and techniques to break one's script and live a script-free life. Eric Berne, the originator of Transactional Analysis came up with a tool called Script Analysis. Using Script Analysis, one can become aware of one's script and take action to break the script and live a script-free life.

To learn about Script Analysis and Transactional Analysis Therapy, the readers can approach the author of this blog @: karunakararaobotcha@gmail.com.    

We Write our Life Scripts by the Age of Six...Really?

Our Life Scripts

A Movie Script

Have you ever seen a movie? Does a movie run on a pre-decided script or the plot changes while the movie is being played out?

We all know that the plot of a movie runs according to a script written before.  

What if I tell you that each one of our lives is like a movie and the script of this movie was written by us by the time we were six years of age? The most important thing about it is that you are author of your script. This is true because that is what most schools of psychology vow to.

The Script in Real Life

In concrete terms, it means that our personality and behavior patterns are formed right when we were children, in all probability, even before we were six years of age. It practically means that we run our adult lives based on the decisions and beliefs we formed in our childhood.

This is shocking to believe, but this is true in real life. Let me give you some real-life examples:

• Ravi is a 30 year-old software engineer in a reputed company. However, people mistreat and insult him every time. If we ask him why he allows people to treat him that way, he says it's OK and the underlying belief is that he is not important when it comes to others. So he bears all the insult and mistreatment because it was written in his script that he will bear all mistreatment.   
• Rajni is a  student studying 10th standard. She hardly studies and fails in most of the subjects. If you ask her why she does not study, she says she will fail anyway in the exam, so why study? The underlying belief is that she is destined to be a loser, anyway.  This happens so often because she has written a script of a loser for herself.  

The people above are acting and behaving from a belief and behavior pattern that they developed when they were young.

Can we Change our Scripts?

The answer is yes. The fortunate thing about the whole process is that it happened without awareness when we were young and we can change that with awareness.

Transactional Analysis (TA)

TA (Transactional Analysis) is a psychotherapy model which predominantly subscribes to the concept of life scripts. TA says that as children, we write a script for our lives and we run the rest our lives according to the script. It says, we write the script to the extent of:

• Whether we will be winners or losers,
• Whether we will get love in life or not,
• The kind of job we will do, 
• The kind of person we will marry, 
• The kind of feelings we prefer, and 
• Even how we will die.  

How to Break our Script?

We can break our script by becoming aware of our own decisions and beliefs which are the underlying cause of our script and then understanding the circumstances under which we made those decisions about our life.

TA therapy provides the tools and techniques to break our script and write a new script for our lives so that we can live life to its fullest potential.

In the upcoming posts, we will discuss how a script is formed and how to break it.