How Can You Become a Better Communicator?

We know communication is the most important element for success in business and relationships.

However, often communication between people and groups fails because of the training that we got from the society.

In a society where machines and information  rule, the interpersonal aspect of communication is overlooked as the information aspect of communication takes precedence.

In this context, there are two misconceptions or myths which are responsible for the failure of communication:

Myth No. 1: Communication is Information Transfer

Communication is not just transfer of information. Communication also has to do with emotions. In fact, human communication always happens on two levels: 

1. Information Level: This is the message that we want convey. It is the words we are using to communicate. 
2. Emotional Level: This is about how we feel about the message or the person who is delivering the message. This is about Body Language and connecting to the emotions. 

Myth No.2: Communication is Predominantly Speaking

When I ask the question,"What is communication?", to participants of a training program, the most common answer I get is: "Communication is speaking effectively and making an impression with our speech."

There is so much of focus on speaking in communication that listening does not get its place in the society. As a result, there is so much misunderstanding and fighting in the world.

However, we need to understand that:

• Communication is a Two-Way Process which involves Listening and Speaking.

In fact, Communication is never complete without the listener understanding the message completely and listening is more important than speaking in most situations.

Six Ways You can Become a Better Communicator

1. Believe that you can Communicate Well

People cannot communicate well because they believe deep down that they are not good at communication. This has to do with the beliefs they acquired as children from their relationship with their parents or caretakers. If the parent or caretaker might have told them, "You cannot speak well." and the child believes it to be true. Let me give an example from my counseling practice: 

• Lalitha was a student in a communication training program I was conducting. She approached me saying that she could not communicate well and that she wanted help in communicating with others. However, from my interaction with her in the classroom, I could see that she could speak good English and that she was quite intelligent. But, she believed that she could not speak English well and she could not speak to others. In the course of my therapy sessions with her, she understood that it was her grandparents who told her not to speak before others and that she was not good at anything. I worked with her to make her understand that it was  a belief she was carrying form her childhood. Once she understood that it was a wrong belief about herself that she was carrying all the time, she changed her belief about herself and she became bolder and assertive. In a few days after therapy, her voice and demeanor changed and she could communicate with confidence.  

2. Lose your Fear of Communication

Many people have a fear of communication. They are afraid of speaking in front of a group. They are
even afraid of speaking with a stranger.

This fear of communication is deep as it relates to the childhood relationship pattern they had with their parents. If the parents encouraged the child to speak without fear in front of others, the person will become a confident communicator later on. On the other hand, if the parents discouraged the child from speaking with others,  the child develops a fear of communication. A sign of this fear in everyday life is: our body shrinks whenever we go to meet someone or speak before a group.

3. Listen More than you Speak

By default, people speak more than they listen in an interaction. But for better communication, we should listen more and speak less in any interaction. As a rule, we must listen first and speak later. If
we listen first, then we will understand what the other person is saying and we will know what to say.

My favorite statement on communication is: "Most of the problems of the world would be solved if only people listened." 

4. Connect to the Feeling as well as to the Content

As I mentioned earlier in this article, there are two levels of communication: Information level and Emotional level. If you only listen to the content or information in the conversation, you are missing out more than 80% of the communication.(Refer my article The Body is the Medium dated 18 April, 2020 for more on Body Language).

When you are interacting with someone, pay attention not only to what they are saying but also how they are saying i.e. their Body Language. Paying attention to their posture, gestures, facial expressions and their tone of voice will give clues to what they are feeling as they are speaking.

5. Formulate your Message Well

Before you communicate, you must formulate your message. If you have to get into a structured communication, structure your message along these steps:

• Be clear about why you want to communicate
• Learn about the listener or audience
• Think over what to say
• Order the flow of information
• Be open to what the listener has to say while communicating

6. Visualize and Practice for Successful Communication  

Visualizing is seeing your goal as already accomplished in your mind's eye. Practice is actualization
i.e. bringing that vision into reality. Follow these pointers in
visualization and practice:

• Visualize the end result you want
• Be as specific and detailed as possible in visualization
• Use all the five senses in your visualization
• Practice in front of a mirror first, then in front of a friend or colleague

Following these steps will help one become a better communicator. As with any any aspect of personal development, improving communication is changing oneself from inside out.

So, WORK ON YOURSELF FROM INSIDE OUT!



To learn more about communication and to overcome the fear of communication, you can contact the author in person.  The author is a Life Coach, Communication Trainer and Psychotherapist.